


Burning From the Inside Out

by The_Fangirl_Sunstorm



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Clary Fray-centric, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Heartache, Mentions of incest, Set after City of Bones, it’s not really incest but the characters think it is, post CoB, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Fangirl_Sunstorm/pseuds/The_Fangirl_Sunstorm
Summary: Clary tried not to think of Jace, and thought of nothing else as she watched the darkness shift around her and the night dragged on.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland
Kudos: 4





	Burning From the Inside Out

**Author's Note:**

> I re-read the “Because It Is Bitter” extra scene from Cassandra Clare’s website and it put me in an angst-writing mood. This was the result. As a frame of reference, this fic is set right after City of Bones.
> 
> (Disclaimer: It’s been a while since I read these books so the fic may not be perfectly canon-compliant. This fic contains themes of incest, (if you’ve read the whole series you’ll know it’s not really incest but I figured I should say it anyway.))

Clary lay on her side with her legs tangled in the bedsheets, trying and failing to find sleep. Restlessly, she traced the dark contours of her bedroom walls with her eyes, noting how the shadows made the corners somehow sharper, more menacing in the half-light of her bedroom. Maybe she would be better off in total darkness, but the redhead couldn’t bring herself to draw shut the window blinds that were allowing weak moonlight to filter through. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.

It was a lost cause. Clary tried not to think of Jace, and thought of nothing else as she watched the darkness shift around her and the night dragged on.

She remembered, suddenly, how he had led her to the garden, to see the flower bloom and she felt her stomach lurch as her head fought her heart.  _ My brother, Jace is my brother, _ she reminded herself fiercely, trying to stifle the longing wrapped around her chest like a vise. 

She wasn’t allowed to think about him that way anymore, Clary knew. She wasn’t allowed to think about his smile or his hands or the way that he used to look at her, but the thoughts kept surfacing like rocks unearthed from the dirt by rain. They were too heavy to remove, and no matter how deep she tried to bury them a storm always came to wash the dirt away again, leaving her emotions exposed to the air. 

Jace avoided her gaze now when they were together. His eyes met hers and then darted away too quickly, or lingered too long on her back when he thought she couldn’t see, and every exchange burned her from the inside out. She wondered if he could feel the heat too, the pain of clashing emotions like a fire in her chest.

_ Jace was her brother  _ and in that moment she would give anything for him to be a stranger. To meet him again, rewind their experiences so that she would have nothing to lose when the truth came to light. Maybe, if she had never met him, or if she had known what he was to her right away, she wouldn’t feel so  _ hurt _ now.

A sob escaped her then, and she covered her mouth with a hand to stifle the noise. Hot tears squeezed from under her closed eyelids and disappeared into her hair, absorbed by the red locks pooled across her pillowcase. 

Jace was her brother, and he could  _ never _ be anything else to her. Even if some small part of her felt suffocated by grief at the thought. Even if some traitorous part of her would still trade anything for him to be here now, comforting her.

She tried to crush the longing in her chest, and her whole body ached, as if the shattered glass of her suppressed emotions had made its way into her lungs. Clary wiped her face roughly, too upset to be gentle. She forced the tears to stop, blinking her burning eyes until they obeyed. 

She stared at the darkness of her bedroom, tried not to think of Jace, and only found sleep as the sun was rising. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments, and constructive criticism are all welcome.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
